PSYCHOTHERAPY AND CONSULTATION
(Please note: For the foreseeable future I am working entirely online using Zoom sessions,
which I have found to be a powerful and effective way to work.)
I am a therapist working with individuals, couples, families, and poly-systems in Oakland. I also provide consultation and supervision, particularly for therapists practicing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and therapists working with clients with trauma.
Transformational change is possible, and is the goal of my work. Insight and understanding can be satisfying, but they only go so far. We unknowingly block progress toward our goals and values by believing that our typical relational patterns and beliefs are who we actually are. I regard it as my job to not only help you gain insight into your experience, but also to support you to shift your experience of yourself, allowing you to recognize and overcome internal obstacles, to discover flow and a sense of well-being in your life, and to uncover strengths and capacities you may never have dreamed of.
For those interested in my theory base: I practice AEDP and EFT (Accelerated Experiential Psychodynamic Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy). My work is grounded in interpersonal neurobiology and attachment theory. If you want to know more about these theories and how they inform my work, see my “About Me” page. However, I believe what matters most in a therapy relationship is not the therapist’s theoretical home, but rather how it feels for you to be with me, and to work together on what matters to you.
I would be happy to talk with you to see how I can best help you identify and work toward your goals for therapy.
VALUE STATEMENT ON IDENTITY, POWER, AND PRIVILEGE: I am a social worker as well as a therapist, and am committed to anti-oppressive practice. In my work, I attend to ways in which identity (mine as well as yours) impact our day-to-day experiences, in relationships, in society, and in therapy. This includes factors such as race, gender, ethnicity, class, sexuality, religion, and the intersection of these various ways of experiencing and being experienced by the world. I am committed to my own process of growth and discovery of self and self-in-relationship, which includes a heartfelt commitment to understanding and feeling into issues of power and privilege as they show up in any relationship. As a white, cisgender, queer man, I do my own work to understand how these identities shape what I do, what and how I know, and what I can and cannot see.
“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul.”
Clarissa Pinkola Estés
SERVICES I OFFER
INDIVIDUAL THERAPY
From infancy through old age, people grow and change in the context of safe relationships that allow exploration and expansion rather than rigidity and constriction. We change when we feel safe enough to try something new. Our work together can establish that safety and exploration, as we unravel long-held unconscious assumptions about who you have to be in the world, in order to free your own innate impulse toward change and transformational growth.
My stance as a therapist is that change is possible from the very first session, and I am committed to making the most of your time with me. In my work, I do not passively sit back while you tell me about your week. I am active and engaged, focusing our exploration on the growing edge of your experience with acceptance and warmth, allowing the image of what is possible for you to begin to come into view.
If you would like individual therapy but prefer a short-term therapy approach, please click here.
INDIVIDUAL THERAPY
From infancy through old age, people grow and change in the context of safe relationships that allow exploration and expansion rather than rigidity and constriction. We change when we feel safe enough to try something new. Our work together can establish that safety and exploration, as we unravel long-held unconscious assumptions about who you have to be in the world, in order to free your own innate impulse toward change and transformational growth.
My stance as a therapist is that change is possible from the very first session, and I am committed to making the most of your time with me. In my work, I do not passively sit back while you tell me about your week. I am active and engaged, focusing our exploration on the growing edge of your experience with acceptance and warmth, allowing the image of what is possible for you to begin to come into view.
COUPLES THERAPY
Couples frequently get caught in repetitive negative cycles that seem inescapable. These cycles typically reflect each partner’s protest against the lack of safe connection. While on the surface the arguments can be about any number of topic areas, the cycle tends to follow predictable patterns, and to represent each person’s best effort to cope with a lack of safety or trust in the relationship. However, the move each partner makes to seek safety, or to protest its absence, tends to be the very thing that triggers their partner’s reactive response, and the cycle just goes on and on.
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to help couples understand and break free from these negative cycles, and to find their way to what is known in psychotherapy research as secure attachment: the deep knowing inside of you that your partner cares about you, understands you, accepts you, and is there for you when you need them.
EFT has the best outcome research of any model of couples therapy, and for good reason. In our work we will go to the heart of the matter: the distress behind the disconnection. Couples frequently tell me that they came to therapy simply hoping for an end to the conflict, or for new communication tools, and discovered through our work together that so much more was possible for them than they had imagined.
You can learn more about EFT at the site of the International Center for Excellence in EFT.
Please note that I work with all kinds of couples and relationship systems, including queer couples, poly-systems and relationships that are consensually non-monogamous. I have a good deal of experience working with trans and non-binary individuals, as well as with couples coping with complex cultural differences and power dynamics related to race and gender.
FAMILY THERAPY
Just like couples, families often get caught in repetitive negative cycles that seem inescapable. Patters of communication and roles played by various family members take on a life of their own and prevent true mutual understanding and successful navigation of life challenges. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy for Families (EFFT), I help families get to the heart of the disconnection between them, and support them as they come to know all that lies below the surface of the repetitive conflict.
I have worked with families for almost twenty years, and have taught family therapy for eight years at the University of California, Berkeley’s MSW program. I care very much about helping families be as close as they can be, and allowing them to support each member’s growth and needs. I work with all sorts of families, including blended families, queer families, adoptive families, and multi-racial families.